


Good Boy

by Dancingqueen17



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abuse, Anorexia, Bulimia, Eating Disorders, F/M, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Suicide, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-03
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2020-01-01 09:44:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18333485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dancingqueen17/pseuds/Dancingqueen17
Summary: Sirius is broken. There is no other way to put it then that. His family hurts him. His brother hates him. And most importantly he hates himself. But his friends are always there for him. But what happens when their not?





	1. Welcome Back

**Author's Note:**

> Sadly, I do not own any of the Harry Potter franchise. Not yet at least.

Christmas was never a happy occasion for Sirius. He wasn't sure if it was the fact that he had to sit and watch Regulus open presents for most of the morning. Or if it was the fact that he got daily beatings for slight mistakes. It wasn't fun. Sirius had zoned out when Regulus had started opening gifts. When there was one last present under the tree Sirius sighed, he had been sitting there for an hour pretending to watch this kid open presents. Regulus's brow furrowed as he looked at the gift. 

"It's for Sirius." Regulus said blankly handing him the gift.

Sirius's eyes widened as he heard this. He usually didnt get anything.

"Let me see that." Walburga piped in taking the present from Sirius and shredding it open.

Inside was a letter from Remus and a book. Sirius figured Remus had sent it to him and it got mixed up in all the other junk Walburga ordered. Sirus's mouth went dry. He didnt even get to read the letter before his father got ahold of it.

"You mean to tell me my first born son is friends with that werewolf, I'm outraged!" 

Orion Black worked for the ministry and saw Remus's case. Orion did indeed look outraged.

" Go upstairs Regulus" after hearing Regulus's door close firmly, Sirius was dragged to his room by his hair.

"A halfblood. A bloody halfblood. I ought to kill you." Orion mumbled viciously as he dragged Sirius up the stairs.

Orion threw Sirius on the floor and placed his foot over Sirius's ribs. 

"You will not tarnish the good Black name by making friends with this halfbloods." Orion said, pushing his boot slightly into Sirius's ribs. 

"Oh yes, I'd hate to soil the good name of incest and murder." Sirius sputtered. 

Orion pressed his foot harder on Sirius's ribs until he heard a crack. Sirius held back a scream. 

Sirius couldn't breathe. At the moment his lungs were being kicked in by his monster of a father. His hard black boots didn't do anything to cushion the blows. Sirius could feel bruises forming. Each kick stung and opened old cuts. He thought he might die. He hoped for it. 

"That's Enough" Walburga's shrill voice rang out. As far as he was concerned she was not his mother.

"Wouldnt want to ruin the fun and kill the boy now would we?" Orion gave the boy one more punt before grabbing Sirius's face.

"If I hear any more talk of you prancing around with Halfbloods and Mudbloods I will personally kill you" His voice was deep and menacing. Sirius knew he wasn't joking.

"Yes Sir" Sirus wheezed, realizing at least a few of his ribs were broken.

Sirius assesed his damage. 4 broken ribs. 7 huge bruises. And 9 reopened cuts. This would take serious healing. But since his wand had been taken he couldnt do much. 

He uttered the wandless healing charms he had learned in second year and tried to crawl to his bed. Sirius couldn't make it though and ended up finding a non painful position to sleep in. He felt like crying. But in the Noble House of Black crying was forbidden.

It took him about an hour to get to sleep. He thought about James and how Mrs. Potter was probably tucking him in right now. He thought about Remus and if he was doing ok with his Furry Little Problem. He thought about Peter and wondered how many Treacle Tarts he had probably consumed. Lastly he thought of himself and wondered how in the hell he was gonna keep living like this. But he was ok. He was always ok.

_______________________________

The rest of his times at home went roughly the same way. By the time the summer had ended Sirius wasn't sure he was even the same person. Sure, he had seen his friends throughout the school year, but summers always broke him. He needed his friends.

_________________________________

It was sometime around 5 in the morning when he heard the shrill high pitched scream that was Walburga's voice. 

"Sirius you have 5 minutes to get down here and do these chores or I'm not wasting my time with breakfast for you!".

He groaned and made his way downstairs. Holding the railing the whole time for support.

"Finally you lazy git, there is work to be done." Walburga walked away swiftly and Sirus follow close behind.

"Here is your list of chores, and have then done by 7 if you want to get on that train later." Her tone made there no room for discussion, even though Sirius was pretty sure she could do these chores in five minutes with a flick of her wand.

Sirius had better get started though, with this long list he knew he would be cutting it close to 7.

By 7 the chores were done, he had his trunk packed, and he was fully dressed. He looked bad. That was an understatement, he looked terrible. 

There were bags under his eyes. His skin was deathly pale. His frame had lost all the muscle he worked so hard to gain due to malnourishment. And not to mention is face, hands and every other visible part if his body were covered in scratches and scars. He didnt even know if he could fix this with magic.

He knew all the other boys would come back taller and have new gadgets to fidget with. And he new all the girls would come back with new perfumes and longer hair. But all he had to show for his vacation was these damned scars. He was pathetic.

As he stood by the door waiting for his brother to make his grand appearance so they could leave, Orion stepped in front of Sirius. 

"Here is your wand, I expect you'll use it for nothing but classwork," Orion scowled at him then continued.

"These are your new robes. Keep them in pristine shape I have better things to spend my money than you." This should of hurt Sirius but it didn't.

"And this is a new spell you will use daily to keep prying eyes and questions away, Understood?. Sirius nodded weakly and spent the next half an hour of his life learning a covering spell for his bruises.

Thats just what the Blacks did. Solve problems by covering them up. After at least another hour of waiting Regulus and Walburga came down the stairs looking far to well dressed for this casual occasion.

They finally had apparated to Kings Cross Station. Orion and Walburga gave a sharp wave and apparated back home. Sirius headed to Platform 9 3/4 and began to look for his usual spot on the train. 

You should go look for your friends, Sirius told himself. But he hated seeing their loving families. Their drawn out hugs and teary eyes. It made him sick. In the Nobel House of Black feelings were strictly forbidden.


	2. The Good Old Days

In the Noble House of Black being late was forbidden. Which was why Sirius had to wait 30 minutes for his friends to arrive on the train. 

Remus came first giving his hand a squeeze. They had been together since third year. Sirius noticed new scars on his hands but decided not to mention it. Remus spoke up first.

"How are you Siri, you look hurt." Remus stared deep into Sirius's eyes. Sirius hated when he did that, he could tell if he was lying. But before Sirius could answer James plopped down across from Sirius.

"So how was the break" James quipped looking interested.

His interest soon faded as Remus went into full nerd mode describing the collectors items and sweaters he had gotten. Right when Remus was in the middle of his speech Peter walked in.

"Thank God" Sirius said thankfully, forcing a smile onto his bruised face. He hoped nobody noticed.

Contrary to popular belief, Peter's speech about candy was far more boring than Remus's. They spent the rest of the ride catching up and telling jokes. The Marauders were Sirius escape. From his family, and from himself.

____________________________

They had made it to the Great Hall and were now watching the Sorting. Well that's what he was supposed to be doing. Sirius was having a glaring contest with his cousins boyfriend Lucius, at the Slytherin table. 

Bellatrix caught them narrowed her eyes with a slight smirk. Then Bellatrix broke into a full blown smile before looking away. Sirius hated that smile. It always meant trouble.

After the ceremony his cousin decided to pay him a visit at the Gryffindor table.

 "Siri, you dont mind meeting me at Lucius by the dungeons tonight do you. We have to go over some trivial family affairs." Bellatrix said sweetly. Too sweetly. 

Sirius knew this could mean nothing but trouble, but he remembers the beating he got last time he told her no. He was in no place to disagree.

"Of course Bella." Sirius said sweetly. He knew how much she hated that name.

Bellatrix's smile dropped. "Be there at 6 on the dot Black. Don't be late."

Bellatrix walked away dragging Lucius with her. Sirius knew he was in for a beating.

"Who was that mate, she looked bloody annoying." James asked with a mouthful for chicken.

"That's odd, she didn't look anything like you." Sirius quipped.

Sirius and James began to make fun of each other back and forth. Sirius was making the best of his time, after all he only had two hours before he had to meet Bellatrix.

__________________________

Sirius was at the dungeon cupboard at 5:59. Blacks were never late. 

"Well, well, well, Siri, you showed up on time." Bellatrix mocked.

Sirius had nothing to say to that.

" Well then I'll just cut right to the chase, why, dear cousin were you glaring at Lucius so viciously." The sweet smile he had seen at the ceremony was long gone and replaced with the sinister Black smirk.

" He started it!" Sirius yelled.

Her smirk was now a full blown smile. " When will you learn what being a Black is all about."

She quickly cast a body bind curse on Sirius. His body was frozen in an awkward position.

"When will you learn that it's about protecting our own. And those Half-Bloods you hang around are nothing but lowlife scum." She made rope appear from the tip of her wand and wrap around Sirius's neck.

" When will you fix those horrendous grades of yours." She tightened the rope.

"And cut your hair." He couldn't breathe.

"And quit wearing those horrible Muggle band shirts" The rope dropped from his neck and he fell to the ground, gasping for air.

" You're a Black, you need to remember that." Bellatrix grabbed his face, just as his father had done many, many times.

"You'll remember your bloodline, whether you want to or not". Sirius's head was spinning.

" Imperio!" He blacked out. When he awoke he felt weak. His body was curled up in a ball and his arms burned. He looked at his arms. Written in beautiful penmanship on both of his forearms was the phrase. " The Noble House of Black". He soon would recognize the writing as his own. He wanted to cry, to scream, he wanted to disappear. But he was ok. He was always ok.

It had to be 2 in the morning when Sirius trudged into his dorm. He was bombarded with questions as soon as he walked through the door. 

"Where have you been?" Remus asked sounding worried.

"We were worried about you mate." James scolded.

"Yeah" Peter chipped in.

Sirius had to think of something fast. He was glad it was dark and they couldn't really see him.

"The, uh, meeting with my cousins lasted longer that I thought." That was a stupid answer. But it seemed to subdue them for a while. 

"I need to use the bathroom." Sirus said weakly, walking away.

"Wait!" Peter chimed in. "I saw your cousins at dinner, but you weren't."

Sirius walked faster to the bathroom. He could hear them whispering. "

" I think he's a liar, and a bloody bad one at that." He heard James's voice say.

"I definitely saw his cousins at dinner. They looked happy." Peter said quietly.

Of course they were happy, Sirius thought.

" He was limping, and holding his arm, did you guys see that?" Remus added quickly.

Sirius stopped listening and turned the shower on. The sound of the water covered his sobs. He was crying. Sirius Black was crying. Blacks never cried.

He dried his tears an inspected his damage. He had a big purple bruise along his neck. He suspected he could cover it. The cuts on his wrists were a different story. They had healed slightly overnight, but looked horrible. They were deep. They were ugly. He hated himself for letting this happen. He hated himself. 

He walked over to the wall and pulled a loose brick from the wall. Contained in a plastic bag were his blades. He had hidden them here in 2nd year, and hadn't used them since James had walked in on him. But one cut couldn't hurt. He grabbed the blades and cleaned them off. He pressed the blade to his arms and cut over the words engraved on his wrist, until he couldn't read them anymore. He hated this. He hated when he lost control like this. He hated his life.

When he was finished blood was all over the floor and his clothes. He was glad he had taken his robes off. He cleaned himself and wrapped his arms. The warm months were coming, but he couldn't wear short sleeves anytime soon, even his charms couldn't cover that. Sirius put on his pajamas and went to sleep. Casting silencing charms around his bed just in case he woke up screaming. Right before he fell asleep he felt a warm body wrap around his. 

" We'll always be here for you." Remus whispered, kissing his forehead. He snuggled into his boyfriend and fell asleep. It was the best sleep he'd had in a while


	3. Downward Spiral

The next few months were blurry. Like Sirius hadn't been there at all, but was watching a movie about himself. He watched himself get pulverized by his cousins. He watched himself cut afterwards. He watched himself conveniently forget to eat, and puke up what he remembered to. After all abominations didn't deserve food. 

His friends would have been worried, if it weren't for the covering spells he learned. Sirius could make himself look perfectly fine with them. He was growing rather addicted to them. Sirus planned on going throughout his remainder of Hogwarts like this. No it wasn't healthy, he knew that. But he didn't care.

He had started to tell himself he deserved the weekly beatings he received from Bellatrix. He started telling himself he deserved to stave. He deserved to die. But there was one thing stopping him from ending it all, his friends. The Marauders held him up. They loved him. He loved his friends. He didn't know what he would do without them. A smile crossed his face, a real smile when he thought about Remus, James, and Peter.

Sirius was on his way to the kitchens to get Remus chocolate. It was a full moon and he would need it. He was pushed face first onto the ground. 

" Bellatrix, what are you..." He stopped when he realized this was not his cousin torturing him, but none other than Severus Snape.

Oh, its you." Sirius snarled. He quickly got up and grabbed his wand.

"I'd put that down if I were you, Black " Sirius didn't move an inch.

" I was talking to your brother today and he told me a few things." Snape smirked.

"What things?" Sirius quipped not standing down.

" He told me the counter curse to your covering charm." Before Sirius had time to register what he said Snape yelled the counter curse. Sirius could feel his cover fading.

"Damn Black, its worst than I thought. Daddy dearest really must have handed it to you ."

Sirius jumped on Snape punching him and making his nose bleed. After a while Snape got the upper hand and rolled on top of Sirius.

" Tell me where Lupin goes every month." Sirius stopped struggling and gaped at Snape.

"Is that what this is about, you want me to blab to you about my best friend, you're delusional Snape." Snape slammed his head into the floor.

" Tell me Black, or you're little abuse issue will be public news." His eyes widened

" How do you.." Snape smiled

"Your brother was telling you're life story today."

Sirius didnt think his brother could betray him like that. Suddenly his body was frozen, Snape had put a body bind curse on him.

" Tell me." Sirius wanted to kill him. He saw red.

" Fine you want to know where we go every month? Go to the Whomping Willow and press the knot." Sirius regretted the words as soon as he said them. But he was too angry to feel guilty.

"Good Boy" Snape said, patting his head and running down the hallway. The moment he left the curse was undone. Sirius realized what just happened. He redid his covering curse and ran to tell James.

"James!." Sirius yelled as soon as he got to the common room. 

" Well it took you long enough, Remus left ages ago. Where's the chocolate?"

Sirius quickly caught his breath. " I told Snape, I told him where Remus was and how to get there, I told him James. We have to stop him."

James froze. Peter looked scared. "You fucking idiot he could be killed."

James pushed Sirius then ran to the Whomping Willoow. Sirius was hot on his trail with Peter right behind him. They quickly changed into their Animagi and went to find Remus. When they found Remus he had already changed. Not only that, but a petrified Snape was standing beneath him. Sirius bolted in dog form to push Snape out of the way. James, who was in stag form, quickly pushed Remus away. Peter stood by watching all this unraveling. This madness went in for about an hour before the Wolf slowly changed back into Remus. The Marauders changed back to their human forms and went to check on Remus.

" I think he's ok, but I'd better get him to Pomfrey." James picked up Remus and Peter pulled Snape with them.

"Do you need my help?" Sirius asked James. James glared at him. Sirius had never been on the receiving end of that glare.

" This is your fault, you go to Dumbledore, hopefully you get expelled." Those words echoed in his head. This was his fault.

_______________________________

Sirius was sitting in the headmaster's office waiting for him to start his lecture. 

"I'm not gonna expel you Mr.Black"

Sirius's eyes widened. "I deserve it Headmaster. I almost killed Snape."

Dumbledore smiled knowingly. " I know you made a mistake, I know you had no intention of hurting anyone."

Sirius sighed.

"I also know that you did put more than 1 student in danger though, and for this you will be serving 3 months of Saturday detentions with Mcgonagall"

Sirius slumped in his seat. But he knew it could be worse.

Sirius headed to the hospital wing to visit Remus. When he found Remus he was eating from a small tray. He looked so weak, it hurt Sirius to see him like that.

"Remus." His voice sounded small and weak. Remus didn't answer.

"Remus." He repeated softly.

"James told me what happened you bloody idiot." Remus sounded very angry.

"But I..." Remus held up a hand to silence him.

"I don't care what excuses you have this time Black, we are done. Get out of my sight."

Sirius walked swiftly back to the dorm. The same dorm which he had stayed up all night laughing with his friends was now the dorm in which he was a outcast In. When he walked through the door he saw Peter and James playing exploding snap. They didn't even look up at him. Sirius had never felt so lonely in his life.


	4. The Lonely

The next few weeks were a blur. It seemed everything was a blur now. Maybe it was because he could count on one hand how many times he had eaten. Maybe it was because of all the blood he had cleaned off the bathroom floor. Maybe because he was so lonely. So fucking lonely. 

Every class all the Marauders glared at him. He eventually stopped looking up from his desk. Every feast they ignored him. He eventually stopped going. Every time he left his bed in the dorm he could feel their eyes on him. So eventually he stopped going to bed at all.

Though he did have one thing to be thankful for. Without the distraction of his friends in class he had top marks in every class. Since his grades had gone up and he stopped hanging around his friends, Bellatrix left him alone. He didn't think Remus was very happy with this, every time a teacher congratulated him he groaned loudly. At the moment he was wandering the halls.

He was skipping Charms, but he already had all his work done.

"Well, what do we have here." 

Sirius knew that voice. He didn't turn around.

" I was talking to you Black."

He hated that name. James knew he hated that name. A hand on his shoulder turned him around. He was face to face with James Potter. He hadn't uttered a word to him in over a month.

" I believe skipping class is punishable by a detention, and me being a Prefect could easily give you one."

Sirius didn't reply.

"Well Black, what do you think of that." James sneered, obviously looking for a reaction.

"I think, I already have 7 detentions, so what's one more. If you want to set one up you need to speak to Mcgonagall, not me." His voice sounded more weak than he thought it would.

James looked shocked at Sirius, usually he would have gave a insult.

"Whatever." James said walking away.

Sirius made his way back to his dormitory.

When he reached the door he heard talking. He put his ear on the door and listened. 

"He didn't even insult me, he sounded like you, Remus." He instantly recognized that voice as James.

"Do you think he's ok" Remus sounded worried. Maybe they would forgive him.

"He looked fine when I talked to him, besides he still betrayed us."

He could faintly hear Remus agreeing.

Sirius chose that moment to walk into the room. He didn't look up from the ground. He knew his eyes would betray him the moment he saw Remus. He set his books in his trunk and went in the bathroom. Sirius waited until he heard the door shut then turned the shower on.

He removed his covering charm then looked at himself in the mirror. The bags under his gray eyes were huge. The bruises he had were pretty much faded, leaving yellow marks on his skin. He was deathly pale and very skinny. He could count his ribs. Though the rest of his body had somewhat healed, his arms were completely destroyed. The words on his arms had been cut into so many times they looked brand new. All the way from his wrist to his shoulder were covered in cuts.

He hated himself for doing this. He pulled out the brick in the wall and cleaned the blades. This should have never happened. He was useless. He hated himself. He was worthless. He had no friends. He was completely alone. He should just die. Sirius looked at his wrist. This was the deepest he'd ever cut. He cleaned up the blood and trudged to bed. He had the nagging feeling he had forgotten something. But he was too tired to care.

_________________________

Sirius woke up to talking, this was new. "Where do you think they came from?" That was definitely Peter. "Those look self inflicted." That's had to be Remus. "There are so many" That one was James. Maybe they had forgiven him. Sirius opened his eyes to see his three ex-friends. They all had worries expressions on their face. " What's going on" Sirius asked still sleepy. His mates just looked at him. He slowly looked down. He was just in his boxers, but that wasn't the bad thing. His scars and bruises were visible. All of them. "Shit" Sirius muttered, grabbing his wand and ran to the bathroom. His mates just watched him. 

Sirius fumbled around in the bathroom for a while before calming down enough to put his charms back on. They made him look almost normal, but the haunted look in his eyes was a dead giveaway. 

Sirius came out of the bathroom, this time with my concealing charms back on. They all stared at door, like they hadn't taken their eyes off it. He didn't look up, he just grabbed my things and headed for the door. Sirius felt someone grab his hand. He looked up to see Remus with sad eyes. Remus was pitying him. Sirius ripped his hand away and went to class. He could feel eyes on him, but he kept walking. Sirius felt tears prick his eyes. He stopped and wiped his eyes. 

Blacks didn't cry. Not when they were breaking. Not when they were broken. Never.

His life was complete shit. The next few days he didn't eat anything. But he was used to it by now. His mates apologized so many times, but they were just pitying him. He declined them all. After all he hurt them yet they were apologizing. He got what he deserved, they should be happy.


	5. Intervention

After class he planned to go take a nap. What he didnt plan was to be pinned to the bed by his ex-bestfriends. Peter and Remus each held one of his arms, while James straddled him effectively keeping him in place. 

"Let me go." Sirius said harshly, thrashing around under James.

"No" Remus growled in a even harsher voice. Sirius stopped thrashing.

"I've been through 4 full moons without you Padfoot, and all four of them one of us got hurt."

Sirus did a once over on James and Peter. Both of them sported long white cuts.

"We need you. We all forgive you. We can help you Padfoot." Peter said.

"We want to help you, and this is the first step." James said wisely, pulling out his wand.

"What are you doing?" Sirius asked uneasily. James whispered the counter jinx to his concealing charm. He felt his mask slip away.

"No!" Sirius screamed. He loved his mask. His mask made him look more buff and tan with sparkling hair. Without it he looked like the weak, twisted kid he was. His mates all cringed when his charm was removed. He couldnt remember the last time he ate or slept, he knew he looked horrible.

"Oh Sirius." James cried hugging his small body. They used to be the same size.

"I'm fine." Sirius uttered, trying to wiggle out from under James.

"No you're not and we are gonna help." James said proudly.

"I cant be helped. I dont deserve help. I hurt you Remus. I dont deserve your forgiveness. Please let me go. Sirius said softly.

James opened his mouth to say something but Sirius interrupted him.

"Please."

His mates sighed and let him go. They pitied him. He quickly got up, put his charm back on and left. He spent almost an hour wandering around in the dark. He heard voice approaching quickly. He turned expecting to see his mates trying to apologize, but instead he saw Snape and Regulus.

"Well, Sirius I thought you learned your lesson about wandering around late at night." Snape sneered.

"Where's your friends, Oh my mistake, you don't have any." Regulus quipped.

Snape kicked him making him fall to his knees. Then Regulus punched him in the face. Sirius could have fought back, but he didn't. He let it happen. He deserved it. Sirius could feel his nose bleeding behind his charm. They continued to beat him. Sirius felt weak. After beating him senseless Regulus leaned down and whispered in Sirius's ear.

"I disown you as my brother you piece of shit." Sirius heard their laughter fade as he curled up in a ball. He could feel his heart breaking. That was the final straw. Sirius really had nothing to live for.

Sirius knew the dorm would be empty. It was study hall and Remus always dragged them to study hall. Sirius wondered if he should leave a note. He decided that he shouldn't, that was too dramatic. 

He turned on the shower, like he did every other time. He pulled the brick out of place and got the blades. He cleaned the blades and got in the shower. He rolled the blades around in his hands. He thought about the good moments in his life. All of them involved the people he betrayed. And 1 person that betrayed him.

He swallowed his feelings. Blacks didn't cry. Never. He pressed the blade against his wrist. He slashed one wrist. Deep and fast. His hand trembled as he slashed his other wrist. His breathing was heavy. The last thing he thought before he blacked out was what his friends might think. He hoped they knew it wasn't their fault.

Remus:

Within 5 minutes of trying to study James, Peter and Remus went back to the dorm. They couldnt take their mind off Sirius. The picture if his smiling face was still implanted in his brain, but it seemed so long ago. So long since he had so much as hugged the boy he loved. 

When they pushed into the dormitory he could smell it. Blood. Remus grabbed his wand before checking all of their beds. Then he went for the bathroom. The door was locked. This was not good. Remus muttered a quick "Alohomora" and walked into the bathroom. He wish he could unsee what he saw then.

A very relaxed looking Sirius with two sliced wrists, laying in the shower. Sirius's eyes were fluttering. That meant he wasn't dead.

Remus ran to the hospital wing carrying a wet Sirius with James and Peter right behind him. " Madam Pomfrey!" James yelled pulling her away from a third year with a broken arm. "Honestly Potter, you could have.. ." Her voice trailed off and her eyes bulged as she saw the damaged boy in Remus's arms. She quickly took the boy and set him on the nearest bed. With a few flicks of her wand the cuts on his wrists stopped bleeding and healed slightly.

Pomfrey cast a sad smile to us and said "I'll need some time and some space for this one. Run along now he'll be ok."

We reluctantly left the hospital wing and went back to the common room.

"Honestly, you'd think you were ghosts. I was looking for you all day." Lily said in a motherly tone when we got in the common room.

She looked at our faces and knew something was wrong.

" What happened?" She asked. 

James was the first to break. He fell to his knees and began to cry. Lily quickly wrapped her arms around him and asked her question again. 

"He tried to off himself. Sirius tried to bloody off himself. He cut his wrists and h-he tried to kill himself Lily, and it was our fault." By the end of his statement Lily was crying too. And Peter was sobbing and Remus was too. I should have never broken things off because he made a mistake, Remus thought. A fucking mistake. This was my fault.

James: 

He didnt think this would happen. In fact he didnt think at all. He was such an idiot. He saw the signs and did nothing. He fucking did nothing. Nothing. He wanted to hold Sirius right now and tell him how much they loved and adored him. They hadn't forgiven him on the best terms, but he had forgiven him. Maybe if he wasn't such a lousy friend this wouldnt had happened. This was my fault.

Peter: 

Me and Sirius were never close. But we were friends. Peter was jealous of Sirius. He hadn't been very kind towards him second and third year. They had finally warmed up to each other in fourth year. Peter saw the scars, the cuts, the bruises. He just didnt any anything. If he wasn't such a coward this never would have happened. This was my fault.


End file.
